Random

Posted on November 23rd, 2009 in Uncategorized by mishevious

OK!! It has been wat…9 months?? since i last updated my blog..im surprise itz still here…lolx..newayz..for those who ponders (which i doubt there’s any) wat i’ve been up to OR wat i had done..im currently pursuing my 2nd year degree in Taylor’s (friggin suckie)…n frm my previous post..im still madly in love wif ‘THE BF’ *winkx*

Well…i have a lot of questions swimming through my head for the past 9 mths..but i’ve juz been too bz..u noe..too bz being a wonderful gf, too bz being a gud fren, too bz being a gud student, too bz being a gud daughter, too bz “trying” to be a gud sis (never succeed..lmao), so…..here it is:

Question 1: Is it better to be the best among the worst OR the worst among the best?

Question 2: Y does ppl expects u 2 change but never 4 a second tries to change themselves?

Question 3: Is two really better than one?

Question 4: How do we know that he/she is The One?

Question 5: Y do we have 2 work so hard for our future when we dont’t even know if it exists?

Have the answers??

The past few months have been really hard for me…i’ve changed..A LOT…even i don’t recognize myself anymore..i’ve had a few heartaches, friends issues, f**ked up emo-ness prob, most probably due 2 my loneliness here in Subang..b4 dis in Tarc, i could survive…bt here…*shrug*…although im nt really sure y..perhaps itz me OR the environment OR the people..*sigh*

Arghhh…F**k it…ahax…enjoy life^^

p/s- might delete blog soon..lolx..ciao folks

You’re Mine and I’m Yours

Posted on February 9th, 2009 in Uncategorized by mishevious

Well, guess wat..this is the 2nd time that i’ve gotten myself in a relationship..like for real ok…i kinda wonder sometimes whether i’m rushing things a bit, or maybe i shouldn’t have started off with this relationship so soon?? Did i made the right decision?? Did i made the right choice? Am i gonna hurt him or myself in the end?? Or whether others around me is gonna get hurt too?? People even tell me that I’m just using him as a backup and I actually doubt myself when i said ‘NO’.

Frankly speaking..this were the problems i was facing at the start of this relationship..i was really struggling between what i want to do and what i should do, what i’m feeling and what i’m not supposed to be feeling. All these questions swarming in my head which i was too afraid to find the answers for myself.

I always manage to find excuses for myself in getting out of trouble. As for this, i actually blame it on the ‘time’. I convinced myself and eventually him that maybe we need more time to adapt ourselves to the fact that we are in a relationship now…when the fact is, it was me and only me that needed convincing that i’m in a relationship now. I’m somebody else’s girlfriend. I’m not single anymore. I can’t act so childishly and do things just because i feel like doing it and not care about the consequences ahead.

Now, it’s almost our 2 months anniversary..ahem..it may be lame but we really went through quite a lot..maybe i should say that our relationship headed off with a rocky start..lolz..after all the ‘time’ that i took to get myself adapt to the situation, i actually figured out that it’s not about the choices or decisions that i made..it’s about me that is afraid to give my all to him..i was actually afraid of really falling for him and got myself hurt again.

Now that i think about it..it’s really kinda stupid of me..i mean..from the moment i chose to be with him..i should have known that nothing is granted in this world..if i choose to be with him then i should trust him in not breaking my heart..in fact…”LOVE is giving him the chance to break your heart but trusting him not to”…rite??

So, starting from this minute, i’m gonna let my feelings free and let him know just how much love i have for him in my heart and how much he means to me…for now at least…lolz..my ’soh lou’..i know u’re gonna read dis someday..i juz wanna tell you..i tink i’m really falling in love with you…*winkx*

Every second I have with you is a blessing..and i really hope that we’re gonna make it through k..lurve u so so much.

And dear, Happy Valentine’s in advance..*muaxx*

My Little Thoughts

Posted on November 9th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

Questions

Have you ever fought so long to keep a guy all to yourself that you got so tired of it?
Have you ever chase after a guy like ‘all your life’ and found out that maybe you’re just not meant to be?
Have you ever been hurt so many times but still find an excuse for yourself to always turn back to him?
Have you ever been told so many fucking times to let go of him and tried but still can’t seem to do it?
Have you ever wondered why he means so much to you?
Have you ever hope that just one day he will realize how much you have really loved him?
Have you ever felt that all you want from him is just for him to know that you will always be there for him?
Have you ever felt that all you wish is just to be ’somebody’ to him and not just another girl?
Have you ever try so hard just to get him to notice you?
Have you ever act so casually when in fact your heart is really thumping ever so hard and the butterflies in your stomach is fluttering like hell?
Have you ever felt so pain when you see him sad or frustrated?
Have you finally figured out that no matter how hard you try, you will just never get rid of him from your heart?
Have you ever want to give him all of yourself and expect nothing in return?
Have you ever wanted just to be around him and pampers him all day long?
Have you ever realize the fact that all you will ever be is just friends?

Answers

It took me almost a year to realize that maybe it’s not about letting go or grabbing on to anything.
Maybe it’s not about clinging to the hope that one day he will finally be yours.
Maybe I were destined to meet him and love him unconditionally.
It may sound like so unfair and unjust.
But maybe I just like it this way.
Maybe I’m happy the way i am now.
Or perhaps being a slave to him is just what makes my day.
I may never find another guy that will ever give me so much joy just by giving me a fucking smile.
I may never find another Him that will make me laugh my heart out just by making one of his stupid expressions.
I may never find another brat that makes me change so much without me even realizing it.
I may never find the other someone that will give me a stupid plastered smile all day long just to bump into Him early in the morning.
I may never find this other person that can make me forget all the people around me and what’s happening around me whenever he’s around.
We may just be friends to everyone else.
But to me, we’re definitely more than that.
And I don’t give a damn what other thinks about me because I ain’t gonna change.
So deal with it.
I will not wait around for Him to realize whether he loves me or not.
I’ll just let it be.
If one day, and that one day really comes, that he realize I’m the one for Him
And then maybe I’ll still give Him a chance or maybe I’ll just turn around and say to him, “It’s just too little too late”. ^^

Memories

Posted on August 17th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

I sat alone in the corner today,
Thinking about yesterdays,
When I was just a little girl,
When things weren’t so complicated,
When things always seem to fall into places,
When everything I do is always right,
And even if it is not right,
It wouldn’t hurt like now.

I wonder why happy moments are so hard to grasp,
I wonder how easy life should be and how it is not,
I wonder if memories are there to be cherished?
Or to haunt us?

I wish I could lay back on my bed like I used to,
And dream of stupid things that I know would be impossible,
And be happy because it is stupid,
Rather than feeling the excruciating pain as I do now,
Because it is the right thing to do,
Because I’m a big girl now,
And big girls don’t cry.

Hope

Posted on July 25th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

Will you give me one last smile?
Tears are not antidotes,
And you know it,
Worried that you’ll have to walk alone in the future,
Love becomes a vast sky,
Till eternity,
The world will come to an end,
But we can always look back and be more gentle,
We can speak innumerable words,
Although we’re frowning,
But eventually,
We have to let go.

Forget about the uncalled-for guilt,
It’s sufficient to remember,
That we have loved before,
There is no never ending wish,
For one person always have to leave first,
Forget about the times that falters,
But don’t forget that tears will not flow in vain,
There is no never ending possession,
But there’s always the cherishing memory in our hearts,
Finally,
It will become eternity.

My Birthday

Posted on June 14th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

For the past 19 years..I have always thought that there’s nothing so great about birthdays..It’s just the day one were born..what’s the big deal??

But today..as I’m typing each of these words..my heart is filled with happiness, appreciation, gratitude and many other feelings I can never put down in words..it’s too unique and it’s indescribable..it’s like a very sweet feeling surging out of my heart waiting to be exposed but i can’t..so let’s just keep it in ME k..

I had my birthday celebration last week and it was a blast…I think I’ve never been so happy in my entire life..I had 4 cakes..or should i say 5..the last 1 was special made..well..i cut 4 cakes in a night and i made 3 same wishes which i hope will come true soon enough..and I’ve got all those most IMPORTANT people in my life celebrating with me..they should know who they are..and my DEAREST freshies..

If I were to be the ‘old’ me..i would have started this blog post by..’ I just wanna say thank you to bla bla bla..’
But now..I think all I have to say is just this..

LURVE YOU GUYZ SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!!

Is It True??

Posted on May 19th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

Galz..if you think your guyz are not treating you rite..think again..maybe you can see the flaw in what you think..
 
-All men are the same
~Not all men are the same..they are unique in their own different ways..
-Their words don’t mean a shit to you
~Every word they say should mean something to you..
-You can’t trust them
~You have to trust the one you love..
-You don’t believe a word they say
~You have to learn to believe in others..
-Promises is nothing but spoken words to you
~Promises may sound lame but at least they tried..
-You always want to be his one and only
~You don’t have to be his one and only to love him..
-He don’t treat you as if you’re his world
~You’re not the world to him..he’s trying to kill you if he puts the weight of the world on you..
-You say you don’t believe that your beauty makes his day
~True..but your INNER beauty makes his day..
-You think he’s lying when he says your laughter is music to his ears
~Rite..cuz your laughter isn’t just music..itz sweet music..
-You hate to wait for him
~You don’t have to wait around for him..just let it be..
-He’s not calling you
~You obviously don’t wait for his call..you should call him if you miss him..
-You think he doesn’t see the world when he looks in your eyes
~Of cuz he doesn’t see the world in your eyes..he saw himself in your eyes becuz he’s all that you can see..
-You don’t think your smile is magic to him
~Your smile isn’t magic..but it does the magic trick..
-He don’t tell you "you’re too good to be true"
~This is becuz you’re a DREAM come true to him..
-He says you’re like a princess
~You’re a princess and so HE’S YOURS..
-You don’t like to use his money
~You don’t need his money but it gives them joy to spend it on you..so why not..
-You think you’re not any different
~You’re not different..you’re special..
-You want a fairy tale kinda love
~You don’t have to look for a fairy tale..cuz when the time comes..it will usually come looking for you..
-You think he doesn’t care
~You’re always his everything even if you don’t feel it..
-You want him to think bout you every second
~Itz freaky if he thinks bout you every second of the day..then he may be a stalker or a pervert..
-You want him to make you forget the world juz by holding hands
~Nobody can make you forget the world juz by holding your hands..cuz you’re standing on it..
-He doesn’t say you’re the most beautiful gal in the world
~You don’t need him to remind you how beautiful you are..cuz YOU ARE..you know it..and i think he knows it too..
-You want him to miss you when you’re gone
~Don’t miss when itz gone..appreciate when you have each other..
-You wish to be his favorite gal
~You will always be his favorite gal no matter what..cuz he knows he’s your favorite guy..
-You say you want a prince
~You want a prince becuz only when he’s your prince..he will see you as who you are and not what you pretend to be.. 

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Over You

Posted on April 18th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

I will never forget the way u hug me
I will never forget the way you hold me in your arms
I will never forget the way you kiss me
I will never forget the way you smile at me
I will never forget your gentle caress
I will never forget your sweet words
I will never forget

I will always remember how much i miss you
I will always remember how much i love you
I will always remember how much it hurts
I will always remember how much you don’t care
I will always remember how you walked away
I will always remember that you don’t love me
I will always remember you’re not meant to be mine
I will always remember

I trusted you, but you stabbed me from the back
I had faith in you, but you took them away
I love you, but you don’t care
I miss you, but you ignored me
I saw you, but you walked away with her
I looked into your eyes, but you looked away
I ache for you presence, but you’re nowhere
I’m sad, but you don’t give a damn about it

I’m so f**king over you now

Aiishteru

Posted on March 20th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

I just realize how much i miss u when you’re not around me
I miss your hugx
I miss the way u like to tickle me
I miss the way you always look at me
I just miss every single moment i spend with you
I miss you so so so so much
When will you finally be there for me whenever i need you???

Reality

Posted on February 6th, 2008 in Uncategorized by mishevious

Missing you hurt so bad
It cuts through every piece of my heart
Looking you in the eye hurts
Having you looking back at me the way you do hurts even more
Even the memories of it hurts

Regrets is eating up my soul
It flows through every single vein in my body
It hurts to let people tell me
“You’re an idiotic fool”
It hurts to know
I’m not to cherish the moments we share
It hurts to come back to reality
When all I want is to stay in FAIRYLAND
And find my own
‘HAPPY ENDING’

Here I am
Trying to face the truth
Trying to face the reality
But the fact is
I’m hiding myself from you
I’m shutting myself away from your world
I’m isolating myself from your crowd
And the fact is
In reality
There’s not much of a ‘HAPPY ENDING’

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